34 Years Old + 56 Days

Oct 30th... and the christmas lights are up on Abbey Gate
Street Lower (or is it Upper?)

Saturday....

Its a new dawn, its a new day... and I'm feeling good!!!!

I went into Galway this morning and it was one of the first mornings in something like 3 and a half to four years that I did not need to get something for cupantae.... I think I went in primarily because I could.

Of course when I was there I bought combats to the value of €35 in the Army Navy Store so I can look like  Locke on Lost... he is going to be my monster for the monster theme at Marielles party tonight. So I got the trouser and headed out to Carraroe again.

There we opened up the cafe for the LAST TIME EVER to the public. Business was very very quiet until I wanted it to be quiet so I could head out the door at 6pm and then things livened up and people started arriving to say good bye and what have you. So when the staff and the family were there together sitting down at the table we acknowledged that the cafe was closing and we opened a bottle of champagne and it was had... and then we went home. And just like that cupantae.ie was closed....

34 Years Old + 55 Days

Friday....

Had a long day in the cafe... it was long and tedious because I was just waiting and waiting for tomorrow. It was throbbing and beating in my head all day... boom boom boom... tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow... Finally work finished at 9ish, later than I would have liked considering and I was home in a flash.

Looked at the second episode of the series The Event... I am liking it....

34 Years Old + 54 Days

Thursday....

Worked in the cafe and then played games for a while... really not much more to say....

34 Years Old + 53 Days

Wednesday....

After a tough day yesterday I just floated through the day. I played some Rainbow 6 Vegas 2 with the girls in the cafe.. it was a welcome break from reality!

34 Years Old + 52 Days

Tuesday.....

"....Suzanne stepped outside of her tent. In her hand she held a bloody knife. The same blood was spattered all over her body. He never knew what had happened to him. Well maybe for a moment. But then in the moment he was awoken all he felt was a rush of adrenaline as his body tried fiercely to compensate for the shock of torn skin, muscle and veins.

Suzanne never blinked.

It was over in a moment and when it was his body was dragged out near a small oasis that they had camped beside. She figured that the spiders and snakes and large birds would devour him with the day. This was the desert after all and all animals are hungry... she walked up to her 4x4. She turned the key. The engine began to turn then nothing. She inspected the plugs, oil, water everything. But nothing worked... Resiliently she began walking.

She walked until the sun set and all through the freezing night and all through the next day trying her best to survive remembering all her survival training like only breathing through her nose and wrapping her shirt she had urinated in around her forehead to preserve as much moisture as possible.

Weak and tired on the third day she spied a tree in the distance. She ran towards it, using up all her reserve of energy. The closer she got to the tree the happier she was getting as she was making out bushes and a small pool of water shaded in the center of the trees. Then her heart leapt, how fortunate was this. She could make out a 4x4. A Jeep, grey.... with.... a tent beside it. She stopped running and walked with a broken hearted march to her dead husband again. She tried to make it to the pool of water but some animal had dragged the now mutilated corpse into its center. There was a buzz of flies so loud it made her skin crawl.

Seeking some normality, she reached for her mirror. She stared at the reflection. She could see a beautiful woman looking back. Behind her reflection in the mirror was a table laden with food. A servant was laying the table with silverware. Her family was ready for the meal and were waving at her to join them....

Two days later native came across the scene. On inspection he found the fault in the engine, a wire in the ignition switch was purposefully removed and beside this wire, under the seat was a small box with an engagement ring inside. The Jeep was now partially covered in sand blown from the tips of the dunes. The stocky well clothed man left with his cattle on his journey..."

34 Years Old + 51 Days

Sometimes, when I find myself feeling extreme stress, I suddenly remember a smell. It is a pleasant, lovely, homely smell of my bed when I was younger when the sheets are freshly changed. I can remember myself jumping in the bed, into brown bed sheets I think they were, and feeling the instant warmth and snugness that came with a newly made bed. It is like the way that you'd remember the smell of homemade bread. A smell that activates a memory. But as I said, it is a level of stress that activates the smell for me, and then the memory, of, corny as it sounds a "more innocent time". A self defence mechanism kicks in and carries me away.

Today was a tough day. All to do with wrapping up the business. Stuff that I expected would be easy is alot harder. Like Wolverine when hes trapped, the claws have come out. I had planned to do some other work too today but I find myself trapped in a moment and thinking about the same things over and over again and the only way I can escape them is by playing a computer game or something like it, that is designed to let you escape from the real world.

But the game must finish, so when it does, I head to bed. Again that memory, the smell. Maybe when I close my eyes I will be ten again, in my warm snug bed...

34 Years Old + 50 Days

No pic. Sunday, usually my day of leisure, today was not all that stressfull in any way or anything but I still found myself not all that happy and pretty snappy at those closest to me. I am like that alot of Sundays actually. But today was Marielles birthday... she is X years old. So we sang happy birthday for her, but in hindsight it could have been more of an occasion actually... like, now that I think about it.

But today I began get Blackberry App World working on my Blackberry. It is not really working, I have so far only downloaded to App that gives me (theoritically at least) access to apps. Problem is that the App window itself does not work.... ahhhh.... Blackberry! I have cursed them before and I and many people will curse them again, why does your software not work the way one would think it works!