Thursday, January 20, 2011

34 Years Old + 136 Days


Ah this day will live in my mind forever... or, at least until the end of the week... I was emptying the bin and we have these big green bags in them so that when the bin does need to be emptied we just pull out the green bag and replace it with another one. So, threw out the old bag, and the new bag comes in a roll or like 20 bags or something and the are attached to each other lightly where a machine perforated across a line. Basically, I opened out the bag, and opened, and opened... the perforation hadn't happened! So I ended up with one really long bag that was around 6 foot deep!

What to do next was obvious, put the bag over my head and cover my whole body and walk down to the bedroom and scare linda. So I pulled the bag over my head but my shoulders were too wide. So I moved around as much as I could and I somehow managed to get the bag down over my shoulders, but it was tight. Really tight. No more fresh air was coming into the bag. Then I had to get the bag down around my whole body down past my knees, you know, to get the whole scary effect. All the time breathing up my remaining air.

Finally I had pulled the bag over my whole body, but now I had to go out the door of the kitchen, down the hall all the way, and down to the bedroom and open the door there as well. So actually opening the door was a kind of a struggle, it was hard to get the handle, but then with the light off in the hallway and the visibility being so bad in the bag I was crawling down the hall. By the time I was at the outside of the bedroom door, I realised I was no longer breathing fresh air at all. I opened the door of the bedroom and looked inside as much as I could see but now I was starting to feel nauseated by the lack of oxygen. My chest felt really heavy and breathing was uncomfortable. I looked around, Linda was in the en suite bathroom taking off makeup. I walked around to the door and where I had first thought in my mind Linda scream with shock when she saw me and I would roar to scare her more, I limply ambled in the door behind her. Now I was beginning to feel my brain... I could feel a headache coming on...

She turned around and laughed and as soon as I realised that she had seen me I immediately made a hole in the bag around my facial area... man the air felt incredible! I tell you, its not easy being a jackass :)

1 comment:

  1. This made me laugh so hard. When you first mentioned the bag, and putting it on, I thought "but he'll have no air"... and then the story just got better and better. Indeed, it is not easy being a jackass ;-).


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